Alzheimer’s - It could happen to anyone
Sunday 25th Oct
Nobody can tell what the future will bring, but a world without Dementia would be an amazing outcome. I hope it happens one day, but for now there is such a vast need for help, support and caring for those living with dementia.
For anyone touched by this debilitating disease, you will know just how it affects you, your family and friends, work colleagues and each waking day.
My own experience of dementia (in this case, Alzheimer’s Dementia) concerns my wonderful mother.
As part of a loving and kind family, I have been blessed with the most amazing parents. I owe them absolutely everything.
Let me now try and condense both my Mum’s, and my Dad’s Journey Together So Far …
They have grown together since marrying and having children in the 1960s, going through difficult financial times in the 1970s, looking after my grandparents, largely in the 1980s and early 1990s, baby sitting grandchildren from the late 1980s and 1990s - onwards, and since 2000 - well, so much more has happened, they celebrated their 60th Wedding Anniversary in 2020, and following that, a pandemic. Since then they’ve welcomed the addition of a first great grand child (and another one on the way to look forward to early 2027).
My father has always worked (and worked hard).
My mother always worked hard also, as a full time mother to three of us. Mum has an amazing calmness about her, with a wicked, very sharp sense of humour and a vivid sense of imagination. She is good at baking, cooking, gardening, being creative, sewing and knitting.
Mum has needed to be very brave as well, undergoing many surgeries in her later life time.
In her sixties, she had both knees replaced, and both hips also by the time she was 70.
At age 79 she was told she would have just one year of life left unless she had open heart surgery. Mum, being mum, told me ‘I’m not ready to go yet’ and sure enough she had the operation and survived.
My mother is now 90 years old! Sadly, about four or so years’ ago, she finally had a confirmed diagnosis of what we had all thought was affecting her memory: Alzheimer’s Dementia.
Mum today, since the disease has progressed, can do Word Search puzzles, and if in the right frame of mood will paint (colour in pre printed designs).
I know the sense of humour is still inside her somewhere when I occasionally catch a wry little sideways glance and a smile that appears to show she has understood the funny side of something.
And, as always, mum’s still lights up if any children visit (like her great grandson whom she will interact with and show that wonderful, natural, motherly instinct we’ve all grown up with).
My father is now 92 years old (soon to be 93) and has been my mother’s full time carer throughout these past years. It has been, and still is, the most difficult thing he’s ever had to face in his lifetime.
He watches as my mum deteriorates yet has no understanding that there is anything wrong with her. Often nowadays she doesn’t even know who he is and wonders where she is living, even though she has lived in their family home for over 60 years.
He has dealt with all of the cleaning and cooking, the nursing and the caring. Sometimes it’s difficult for him to still see the little hints of Mum that are still there. He’s too busy stripping the bed sheets, yet again. Sorting out the ‘not getting to the toilet in time’ incidents which are increasing. And, whilst he copes with all this, he has still continued to support us all, his children, grandchildren and great grandchild.
Dad has made some very difficult decisions in order to keep Mum at home with him, he has continued to honour her in both sickness and health, ‘till death us do part’ (something he has often quoted to my sister and I when we have tried to persuade him to accept some help).
Over the past year, Dad has reluctantly (but gratefully) accepted help from his family. His grandson, who is an ace full time gardener, helps with the maintenance of the large garden. His granddaughter, between her studies and full time job, has been helping with some cleaning once a week. For a very proud and independent man, this is hard for him. We each also help out wherever we can - there’s so much to mention, but I won’t right now.
More recently Dad has been finding that he feels so isolated in his own misery and thoughts. He feels let down that this has happened, and finds it so hard to accept that Mum doesn’t know where she is sometimes, or who he is. All of those years and the life they had together - only remains in his memory now, and not hers. He says he feels ‘cheated’.
Dad now lets carers come in to help him with Mum, although, if he can, he will get most jobs done before they arrive! But, on two afternoons a week, the carers ‘Mum-sit’ for a few hours so Dad can go out, have a change of scenery. It definitely helps, as does the company of the carers whom my father is very fond of now.
All I can say personally, is that it’s absolutely heart breaking for my dad, for my mum and for our family. So, from my perspective, to sit and do some crochet, each and every day of November, is no hardship at all! And, if I can raise even a little bit of money towards this very worthy and necessary cause - then that’s a bonus!
I hope every penny raised by everyone involved will go towards helping to support those touched by dementia (in what ever form).
Remember, it could happen to any one of us.
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Good cause Tina x