Cathy Hyland

Stumbling Through the Void

Friday 22nd May

A dementia diagnosis rarely arrives with a clear roadmap. For many caregivers, the moment they leave the doctor’s office is when the real confusion begins — a flood of emotions mixed with an overwhelming need for answers. They are suddenly expected to navigate unfamiliar medical terms, care options, legal decisions, and day-to-day challenges, often while supporting a loved one who is also frightened and uncertain. Yet despite the urgency of these questions, finding reliable, understandable information can feel impossibly difficult. Between scattered resources, conflicting advice, and a healthcare system that often leaves families to figure things out alone, caregivers are too often left searching for guidance at one of the most vulnerable moments of their lives.

I remember the day quite vividly when we received Dad’s diagnosis. We had spent the last year going through the motions of the very limited dementia tests that GPs offer. Dad scored pretty well on these and the small details that we had noticed as a family were treated as if we were frustrated with their memory lapses. They were dismissed as “these things happen when we age”.  We fell into a cycle where we did question whether it really was dementia.
Roll on to 23rd December 2025 and an appointment at Medway memory clinic. The formal assessment took place in the usual cramped, suffocating, windowless room. Dad sat in front of myself and Mum whilst the memory clinician undertook a number of tests (written and spoken). The clinician asked Dad a lot of questions and she would check his responses against mine and Mum’s reactions. She also asked him to draw things and made a statement which she asked him to recall details from later on. It was a penny drop moment as we could immediately see the lapses in Dad’s memory and judgement as he navigated his way through all the tests. We hadn’t got it wrong.
The clinician formally diagnosed Vascular Dementia, outlined what had precluded the diagnosis and what this meant going forward. I think that part of the session took about 5 minutes.
We left the room with a yellow post it note with a website to look at and a recommendation that we talk to the GP. That was it. No dementia support package. No direction of where to go when symptoms and behaviours might get difficult to deal with. The next few months were spent working out who we call when things started to get worse. Mum needed more support caring for Dad at home and that was another hurdle which wasn’t straight forward. We’re 5 months on from diagnosis now and there’s still been no follow up by nhs with regard to Dad’s dementia. Yet it’s a disease like cancer or Parkinson’s.
All of the local support groups and memory cafes are run by churches and charities. 

This is where charities like Dementia UK are so valuable. They have families and carers in mind when providing information. They understand how dementia affects both the sufferer and the carer. Their Admiral nurses give clear guidance that helps carers navigate the changes and offer support when you’re hitting a crisis which is often the case with new symptoms and behaviours.
Whilst the NHS is medically focused, Dementia uk offers a more personal approach.
Without their resources and guidance we would not be where we are now. 

They rely on fundraising to continue their work. I’m recognising their invaluable support by walking a mile a day in May.
Please donate if you can, and if you’ve already donated then thanks for your part in keeping this vital charity going. 

Donate here:

https://fundraise.dementiauk.org/fundraisers/cathyhyland/walk-31-miles?fbclid=IwVERDUAR86CNleHRuA2FlbQIxMABzcnRjBmFwcF9pZAo2NjI4NTY4Mzc5AAEeEufMu-hCpFeBq7PsORH8ZptqfIOrz09bjG8hu7b0f7WTOBmGDNGssPbN0as_aem_tz3v2tTWG7crPnlCHjVYVw

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A little bit about my Dad 🩷🩵

Friday 8th May

The Man My Dad Is

Dementia is a cruel illness. Little by little, it has stolen so much of my dad’s memory, confidence, and personality. But while dementia may change what we now see day to day, it cannot erase the man he has been throughout his life or the legacy he has built.

My dad, Bob, is a quiet, kind, caring Christian man — a devoted husband, father, grandfather, uncle, and friend.

Born in Snodland, he was the youngest son of Charles and Grace, growing up alongside his five brothers and sisters: May, Eric, Jack, Rita, and Pam. His father worked for Blue Circle Cement, and Dad would go on to follow a similar path, beginning his career there as an apprentice draughtsman. Over more than 40 years with the same company, he progressed to become a mechanical engineer, project managing the construction of cement works across the UK and around the world.

His work took our family on adventures too. As children, we lived in Kuwait and Nigeria during his overseas projects, and Dad also spent long periods working in India and Saudi Arabia. Though his career was global, he remained deeply loyal to the company and the people within it, keeping in touch with old colleagues long after retirement. He served as secretary of the retired members’ club until only recently, stepping back following his dementia diagnosis.

Dad’s Christian faith has shaped every part of his life. Taken to church from a young age by his parents, he became a choirboy at his local parish church, where he first met Mum. They married in March 1964, beginning a lifelong partnership.

For over 50 years, Dad has faithfully served Rochester Baptist Church in countless ways. He has been a youth leader, deacon, and elder, helping support pastors and guide the church community. But his faith was never just about titles. You were just as likely to find him fixing a toilet, painting walls, driving a minibus full of children to an event, organising a church holiday, or quietly taking responsibility for whatever needed doing.

In 1988, alongside Pastor Wesley, he helped oversee the transformation of the church building from an old Baptist chapel into a more functional space that could serve the community throughout the week. Not satisfied to stop there, during retirement he continued improving the building, helping convert the bookshop, café area, and toilet facilities into a more spacious and welcoming environment. Today, the thriving coffee shop is a place of welcome for visitors and allows the church building to remain open all week.

Retirement also gave Dad more time to devote to Good News for Everyone!, formerly known as Gideons UK. He was passionate about ensuring young people had access to the New Testament, regularly visiting secondary schools to distribute Bibles to Year 7 students. When some schools became less open to these visits, he found other ways — offering to lead RE lessons so he could still bring the message and the books. His service also included visits to hotels, care homes, and prisons, helping place Bibles where they might offer comfort and hope.

This is the man my dad is.

Dementia may have robbed him of parts of himself, but it cannot take away a lifetime of faithfulness, kindness, service, hard work, and quiet dedication to others. Those of us who know and love him still see the man behind the illness — and we are deeply grateful for him.

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Day 1

Friday 1st May Today we start the 31 day challenge…I say we because hopefully my sisters will also be doing their first walks in their parts of the country as we have decided to do this as a team, albeit at different locations and times. How did this journey with dementia start? We noticed Dad was having issues with his driving (too fast, spatial awareness, impatience, not giving way at roundabouts…getting in the car with him was a bit scary). He didn’t recognise the issues when we pointed them out. At the same time as this he had a few falls, some at home and some walking along the high street near his home. There was a broken toe, a damaged hand and a bump to the head which unbeknownst to us were probably the start of his neurological issues.  Share

The Long Goodbye

Sunday 26th Apr My Dad “Bob” was diagnosed with vascular dementia late last year and having to quickly navigate how to care for a loved one who was so very capable suddenly changing both physically and mentally has been all consuming for our family.  Share