Sam Read

I'm walking 60 Miles in June for Dementia UK

Hey Everybody,

I am walking this 60 mile journey with all of you because I have recently and very gratefully started working and turns out healing concurrently in a Care Home for Dementia and Alzheimers residents  in a local community, Dunoon.  It is a privilege to value life with so much more reverence, understanding and knowledge. 

I lost my father 8 years ago from Lewy Body Dementia.  I had the privilege of being with him in his care home for 2 months in Manchester, England.  I flew over from NZ to give him all of the love, care and attention he needed after being taken away from him at the age of 9 years old.  My mother flew my sister and I over to NZ away from him to move to NZ permanently for another life. 

 As an only child my father had very little support when it came to his deterioration in mental health, apart from my really brave sister.  He was forced to seek care, love and attention from other families across the UK which I am in deep gratitude to.  

My father is a gift.  His passion for people, wellness, sport, music and a really hard working self-employed work ethic is ingrained in me...and most importantly he had the biggest Heart.  Warm, kind, funny, silly, generous and really empathetic.   I miss him terribly.  

I have served as a professional in New Zealand for 31 years.  Not just as a town Planner, but as a sportswoman, a yoga teacher, breathwork, sound and meditation guide and also as a daughter (at a distance), a niese, a cousin, a sister and a pal to kick around with when people aren't being kind.  A colleague to many across local government and the private sector.  I have my own father to thank for these amazing qualities I have that I have shared with the Planning profession and the private sector.  

Its not fair to leave someone behind to suffer when they are elderly.  We all need to be mindful of our own choices when it comes to having children and who we decide to have them with.  It turns out having children with a foreigner on the other side of the world creates serious problems for your children further down the line.  We are in the difficult position of having to choose  where to live near family and that's not OK in my book.  Split  between two countries...NZ and the United Kingdom. I do have a positive spin on it - its why I have a sense of adventure and a deep calling to help humanity on a global scale.  In my view its not OK to leave your child behind in the country you brought them to physically when your 24 years old just because you think their OK with a happy and stable foundation.  We are not always OK.  Life changes.  As family members we are too afraid to ask the hard questions.  How can I be part of your life? We all do it! and we're actually all at that stage post Covid 19. .... friends and colleagues we have all been ripped apart from that we still haven't reconnected with.  Get connecting! 

The key is to feel the fear and let someone know in your family, or your friend or you colleague why you are afraid to ask the hard questions.  How can I I be part of your life? Its a simple question.  

I am a person who has thrived in her own foundation very independently for many years, but since Covid 19 I have been challenged and with my own mental health with a lot of strength, courage, determination, resilience, learning and compassion...something I take from both my Mum and Dad and other yoginis around the world I have had the pleasure to learn from. 

 After 31 years of living in NZ I have been forced to leave what I call my own homeland due to the economic crisis that is currently occuring there - I am currently unsure how its recovering.  I am now currently residing in Scotland and I have no family here on the ground to support me, with the exception of terrific family friends that I am eternally grateful for.  I am isolated often, however I have made the most wonderful friends here, there are few, but they are all that I need.  

'Trust' is paramount.  So...

To All Of You in NZ...Australia....the UK and Europe...

I am asking you to bring so much compassion into the lives of those who are suffering from Dementia and to my father who gifted you a really wonderful person who has served you and the rest of NZ and beyond for 31 years.  You know who you are :).  There is no pressure to donate excessive amounts.  Whatever you feel called to.  

I have done many things that none of you know about.  While this fundraiser is not about me, it is also a reminder that the impacts of Covid are still alive and well.  More connection. More 'How Are You's?' are needed now more than ever.  Isolation and disconnection from community is one of many causes of Dementia.  Its time to gently come out of out shells, no more hiding :).  Just Say 'Hi' :).  It doesn't need to be a big essay.

Please give thanks to my own father for the role he played in my life.  I know that many of you in NZ have been challenged by my own background, of having to pick up some pieces that shouldn't be missing.  I am not conventional because of my own upbringing from my parents, which I am thankful for because its what makes me 'ME'.    There has however been a lot of embarrassment of how I have had to nagivate a lot of situations and Big Life choices on my own, when many others have support at home to help.  But you know what, so did my Dad!  He had literally noone.  I am so thankful to those of you in Manchester that held my Dad.  There is one man Jon Baker that I am so thankful for.  

ONE CHOICE.....can change everything for another person...like your family leaving you behind in NZ. Not knowing how you fit in. 

I have no regrets.  But what I do regret is...not having the courage to tell my own family about how I felt about them leaving and how that actually made me feel and also how a father could be left behind on the other side of the world in pain knowing he was independent. 

The result is that I missed out on time with my Dad.  I wasn't there when he really needed someone.  To help him be well with the little things like looking at family photos - again which were taken away from him.  I'm so sorry I couldn't give you what you needed at the time.  I supported myself in a thriving, incredible District Plan Review Team in NP, New Zealand knowing that it would be hard to come and see you.  But I chose you in the end, because you were worth choosing.  

I'm sorry that my ex husband wasn't the man that he should've been to protect, love and care for me and you.  I'm sorry that you knew something was wrong and you couldn't tell me because of your illness.  It wasn't your fault.  

NZ was my home.  I played squash in my local community for many years and was raised to 'fit in', when really all I wanted was my Dad and I didn't know how to leave.  I was not a happy kid when I first started at Tauranga Primary.  Not Ok.  Attention seeking with ridiculous letters left for my teacher to see.  Only to find she was all too aware of how I was feeling.  

Dementia is a mask.  There is a lot hidden underneath.  Confusion. Anger.  Rage.  No love for anyone but there is still so much care.  Dementia residents are still very much present.  We all know whats going on.  Nothing entirely wrong.  Our bodies begin to suffer from Dementia when our Mind starts wobbling way too much.  I have this experience sometimes.  The quality of our Mind speaks volumes.  If we are in a frenzy in our Mind it creates consequences for our own heart, mind, body and soul and it gets difficult to function.  

I can't believe what my own Dad went through for so many years on his own while I was in my own marriage.  I wish I had come back sooner to see you.  I chose career over seeing my family and for a good reason, but I needed to make a Plan to come and see you.  I was always held back.  Held back by a mother who would not give me the space to see my own Dad from a very young age.  Too much responsibility as a 'parent' and no fun time for Sam.  

There's fun time now :).  He is one proud father.  I am doing my utmost to maintain those relationships I have in my life that really count.   You have reminded me how important these relationships really are that have given so much.  NPDC, the Consents Team, Parks, Policy - you are all so important.  I care for all of you so very much. 

 Moving to the UK was the most difficult decision I ever had to make because I gave so much to NZ for so long.  Now that I'm here I don't regret it.  But I really want all of you in NZ to start making an effort...in the way you know how :)

Start reaching out to those you love with the positivity and power of your own mind! 

Write down the words on a piece of paper to someone you love.  

A friend reminded me yesterday how sacred it is to care for those with Dementia and Alzheimers and Co in a care home.  She couldn't be more right.  

Thank you for the gentle reminder. 

It is a great privilege to be the daughter of a man who got his kicks from going to the cricket and rugby with his friends, drinking many pints and glasses of red wine, enjoying french food and rugby and not being entirely thrilled about the All Blacks.  I don't like em either lollllll....

To Dads pals who are still around in the UK I hope you are all keeping well.  I'm so proud of all of you for standing by him.  I know your sad hes not here.  But hes always with you at any cricket ground your at and you know why?........ :)

I shared some of his ashes at the Old Traffic Cricket Ground on the most sunniest of days one could hope for.  I also scattered some of him with his Mum and Dad, Emily and W.R. in a bed of daffodils.  

May you Rest in More Peace Dad...

And may there be no more suffering for anyone across the world.

May just walking this event alone heal many hearts across the world just by being myself.   

No more suffering for anyone.  Any of it.  We have a real fight on our hands. 

No more risk of Dementia or Alzheimers for ANYYYYONNNNNEEEE.

I am walking a minimum of 3 miles a day for the next 30 days to honour My father and those challenged by Dementia.

I love you all and I'm really excited to see what the next 30 days brings for everyone on this earth.  

What a difference we all make every day when we choose to show up for ourselves and not abandon, neglect and ignore those parts of ourselves that need so much more love.  

Lets Love Ourselves A Little More Huh!!!

With much love, joy, gratitude and still so much sadness for Dad not being here.  

With much love and appreciation...

Sam  xxx