Abbie Lucas

The calls I wish I could answer again

Family is everything ❤️

A message from my loved ones

For Dad. For our family. And for every family living with dementia.

What nobody tells you about having a parent with Dementia

🧑‍🍳 Always my dad. Always my chef 🧑‍🍳

One of the things I will always treasure about Dad is how much he loved cooking.

Dad was an ex-Army chef, and he was an absolutely amazing chef. Cooking wasn’t just something he did, it was part of who he was. Our kitchen was his domain, and God help you if you dared to walk in while he was cooking! 😂 He’d soon let you know that you were in his way and that you had no business being in his kitchen 😂

Dad loved cooking for his family and even his friends and he always went all out. Sunday meant a proper Sunday roast dinner, with all the trimmings. He made the most amazing hot pot, especially when it had that perfect crispy crust on top and a side of mushy peas. 

Sunday mornings were another event altogether — a full English buffet, because apparently a normal breakfast just wasn’t enough!

Then there were the Mexican nights, where Dad would transform the kitchen and make a proper feast for everyone.

But if you asked anyone in our family what Dad was famous for, it would probably be his chicken tikka masala and his homemade onion bhajis. They were legendary! No one could seem to get enough 😆 How this man didn’t open up his own restaurant I’ll never know. 

Looking back now, it wasn’t just about the food. It was about Dad bringing everyone together. It was the laughter, the arguments about who was getting in his way, the smell of food filling the house and the rushing to the kitchen when he said “teas ready!”

Dementia has changed so much. One of the hardest things is seeing Dad lose some of the things that once came so naturally to him including something he loved so much.

I miss seeing Dad in his kitchen. I miss his cooking. I even miss getting shouted at for walking in when he was trying to cook or accidentally dropping kitchen roll on to the hob when it was on and almost starting a fire 😂❤️

But dementia cannot take away those memories.

Those meals, those Sunday dinners, those Mexican nights, the full English breakfasts, the fish pies, the lasagna, the chicken tikka masala and those famous onion bhajis will always be part of our family story.

Dad wasn’t just an amazing Army chef.

He was our chef. Our Dad. And the man who showed his love by feeding everyone.

I’m fundraising for Dementia UK in Dad’s honour, to help support other families living with dementia and make sure they don’t have to face this journey alone.

Always my dad. Always my chef. Always loved. ❤️

💙 Always my dad 💙

50% of my fundraising target reached

Some memories last forever

💙 My favourite memories of dad 💙

How it has affected us as a family

My mum is such an incredible woman and she goes above and beyond for my dad. She is always there for him, visiting him, making sure he has everything he needs. She’s such an amazing woman and I will always be proud to have her. When dad first started with the seizures and strokes he was still living at home and my mum became his full time carer. She did it all. The cooking, cleaning, shopping, taking dad out to appointments, taking him out to veterans hub where he could spend time with friends and socialise. My mum would be up and down during the night most nights with dad  when he couldn’t sleep or was agitated and distressed. Of course in the end this took its toll on my mum as she has health issues of her own. We all came together as a family and decided that a full time care home would be best for my dad.  Nobody wants their parents to be in a care home, but this was something that needed to be done. Dads needs become to intense and challenging. 

For me personally, when dad got diagnosed with dementia it broke me but I guess I always knew deep down that he had it. I was devastated for a while until I pulled myself together as I had to be there for my mum. I have finally accepted that my dad has vascular dementia and how it’s okay to still have days where I will cry and cry. The one thing I will always say to myself is “at least he’s still here with us, we have to make the most of it and the time that my dad has left with us”. I will always stand by this saying and no matter how hard things get or how upset I feel, I will always repeat this in my head.

I have two older brothers and a little sister. My brothers will go to see my dad when they can. They don’t go as much as it upsets them which is completely understandable. Everyone is different. My little sister can’t see my dad the way he is as she wants to remember the way he used to be. It upsets her to much. As a family, we stand with each other and every decision that has been regarding my dad my mum has always consulted us all on this. Our journey as a family hasn’t always been easy, but it has taught me the importance of patience, understanding and making the most of the moments we have together with dad. 

My dad. My hero

I wanted to share my dad’s story because i understand dementia can sometimes feel very lonely. I hope that by talking honestly about his experience, someone else might feel a little less alone. I also want to share my story about my dad as this man is my one true inspiration and forever my hero. 

My dad is 58 years old, he will turn 59 at the end of August. He was diagnosed with stage 6 vascular dementia last October (2025) Over the past several years dad has had countless seizure and strokes. In 2022 my dad started having seizures for the first time in his whole life. However my dad’s health rapidly declined in September 2023 when he was admitted to hospital with a blood clot in his stomach. October 2023 dad was back in hospital with more seizures and here we discovered that dad had his first TIA stroke. Dad recovered from this, even though he was still experiencing seizures. However, September 2024 dad then had another TIA and he was back in hospital yet again. Again dad recovered from this and was back at home. Sadly on the 24th December 2024 dad had a major stroke. He spent 10 weeks in hospital and then another 6 weeks in a rehabilitation centre. 

I will always remember when my dad was diagnosed with vascular dementia as I found out on my husband’s birthday and also the day before my own birthday. I remember spending my birthday mostly in bed as I was so heartbroken about the diagnosis. When dad was assessed by the memory clinic they asked him “would you like to know your results?” My dad’s wishes was that he didn’t want to know and still to this day dad doesn’t know he has vascular dementia.

The reason behind this is because my dad witness his own mother (my gran) suffer with vascular dementia for many years and it caused him a lot of upset and heartbreak. 

My dad is now in a care home in Wigan and has recently just been accepted here permanently. My dad seems very happy and comfortable here. 

Dementia may have changed many things, but it hasn’t taken away the person he has always been. That is the dad I will always remember and love forever.